(Episode 143) The Art of Saying No: Power, Permission and Research Culture

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[00:00:15] Keith: One thing I find is that the pressure is pretty consistent, but where it comes from and the motivations behind it might change depending on circumstances.

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[00:00:43] James: As you become a group leader, for example, and you have people under your kind of management. It's not just about saying no to people because it's going to impact me, but it's going to impact, potentially three or four or five other people around me who want my time, or want some of my time to help them.

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[00:01:19] Intro/Outro: Welcome to the Research Culture Uncovered podcast, where in every episode we explore what is research culture and what should it be. You'll hear thoughts and opinions from a range of contributors to help you change research culture into what you want it to be.

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It's shaped by career stage, job security, power dynamics, working patterns, caring responsibilities, and the cultures we work within. For some people saying yes feels like survival for others, it becomes part of leadership responsibility. For many, it's tied up with gratitude, obligation, and whether they feel they have the permission to take up space.

What I wanted to do in this episode was to slow the conversation down and to listen. So, you'll hear reflections from a post-graduate researcher, colleagues on fixed term and continuing contracts, professional services staff, and someone whose work focuses on developing confidence, clarity, and boundaries.

Each voice speaks to a different part of the system, and together they help us see how saying no is rarely an individual choice. For postgraduate researchers in particular, saying no can feel like challenging authority even when something doesn't feel right. The safest option can feel like agreement. Eima reflects on how hierarchy and power shape what feels possible to say and what doesn't.

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If you haven't established boundaries, I think it's really difficult to say no because you feel like you can't. And if you do, you feel like you're challenging them, which obviously you don't want to come across like that. So, a lot of the time you end up saying yes and doing something that you don't really feel comfortable with, and I think that can really start to affect you and your wellbeing.

You always feel like you just can't challenge your authority, you just don't even go there. You just don't even think to say no. Your instant reaction is just, yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, I'll do that. When really, actually, you should say what it is that you want and what you think, and you're free to do that, but a lot of the time you just think that you can’t, or you shouldn't.

I think you forget sometimes that. If it's something with your own research, your own work, you are the expert, you have a lot of knowledge, and you are okay to asking for opinion. I'm asking for your advice or your expertise, but that's not necessarily what is best or what I think I should do.

I think it's good to have the conversation, but there's no obligation to go and do that. You'd like to think it gets easier, but, unless you place those boundaries, I think it, never gets any easier or any better. And I think for me personally, what I've learned is that it's never too late to place those boundaries. And you're not tied to, because you've not established anything to begin with, oh, I can't do this because it wouldn't be right for me to question it. I think you're free to, to challenge that.

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And that question of permission doesn't disappear as career progresses. For researchers on fixed term contracts, the pressure to say yes is often constant, but the reasons behind it change over time. Keith reflects on how early career stages are shaped by a desire to be helpful, collaborative, and supportive, and how that shifts as contracts come to an end.

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The other factor is probably, well, selfish would be the simplistic way to describe it, but how it benefits yourself. So that could be anything from like, if I'm given the opportunity to engage in something where I could learn a new skill, uh, potentially open up a new collaboration or even just, uh, improve my line manager's opinion of me.

I think the weight of these two things where this pressure comes from can change. As a person I tend to, even outside of work, I usually put the needs of others before the needs of myself. And I'd say that in the earlier stages of my contract, um, when I was. Uh, given the option for an opportunity for something, a pressure to say yes would mainly come to see how I could be nice and how I could benefit others as I'm in a fixed term contract.

I've noticed that as I've came towards the end of my term and now need to be looking at somehow securing a new job in the future, um, the pressure to say yes to things has shifted more to how what I could gain from some sort of opportunity. So, whether I could develop something new that I could add to my CV or something like that.

Um, so in terms of how much pressure you get to say yes to things, I think that, for me anyway, is relatively consistent throughout. What I would say is where the pressure comes from is different. And the reason I think that's important is. It eventually leads to you saying no to things that you would otherwise say yes to at different stages of the length of a fixed term contract.

So more selfless at the start, more selfish towards the end. Um. And I think that's a really inter, that's interesting from the context of building a healthy research culture because I think if you end up in a stage where everyone is just looking out for themselves and asking, what's in it for me? Then you get no collaboration. But at the same time, if you have it the other way around and people aren't at least thinking about how it can also help them out. Then you might also end up with people burning out and not getting their own work done in the process. So, I think there is a balance there, but I do think that the short nature of a lot of research contracts really contributes to saying yes to things for the wrong reasons, I guess, and potentially saying no to things that would be more productive if it was pursued with the benefits of the other person in mind.

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[00:08:37] James: When you're more junior, it affects other people less. Uh, as you become a group leader, for example, then obviously the more time you're spending doing other things has quite a big impact then on others around you. And that's definitely something that I've had to learn over the last few years and still learning, learning to focus, not just on me, but on them has really been, um, something that's surprised me in terms of something that I've had to learn more recently.

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[00:09:41] Kate: When I was working part-time, things were given to me and expectations were set, even behaviours towards me and the way I was treated, I allowed it and I rationalized it in my head because I said, you work part-time. So just be grateful for that. Even though I knew I wanted to work part-time because I wanted more home time with my son, obviously he'd just been born, um, he was five months when I went back to work and I think I was, yeah, I was just in that mindset of thank you for allowing me to work part-time hours. So yes, anything you want to throw at me, I'll do. And I ended up taking on things and working in circumstances that now I look back and I'm shocked that I allowed myself that. But I think that part-time work ethic, when I've spoken to a lot more women is the same. You overcompensate, you're just grateful for it.

So yeah, I absolutely struggled to say no when I worked part-time. And I look back now, but it taught me a lot because being able to reflect on that when I went back full-time, I set a lot of boundaries in place that, um, I didn't when I was part-time.

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Professional services colleagues offered a different but closely connected perspective. Sarah reflects on how blurred boundaries can create confusion, resentment, and unsustainable patterns. How saying no can actually be an act of clarity and care.

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But it also I think includes things like speaking up when inappropriate things are said. So having certain professional boundaries in place of things that you will and will not accept, with your staff members. Also, adds to that culture of, of psychological safe safety as well as making sure that if you are, um, a parent in the workplace, for example, and perhaps you're a manager, that you are also seen to be.

Parenting in the way that works for you, whether that's taking a couple of hours to go and see your kids' Christmas show, and letting staff know that that's an acceptable thing to do. I think everybody in the workplace adds to the, the culture, so modelling the behaviours that you want to see. Also within your boundaries.

So the, the flexibility that works for one person is not going to work for another person, but it's the fact that individuality is respected is the most important thing.

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[00:13:44] Kate: One of the reflections that I give when I'm working with women in terms of their personal development and, and a big part of that is working with assertiveness and confidence and, and everything and saying No is an actual exercise that we do. Just get them to think of a really mundane question.

So something like, can you stand up or can you sit down? Or Could you lend me a tenor? So just something really, really mundane. And they have to go around the room and there's 25 women and they all ask each other this random mundane question, which is a yes or no answer. And they have to say no. No justification, no, no, nothing.

Just, just a straight no. And it's amazing how when they first do it. They say no and then laugh and sort of like, oh, 'cause they feel awkward doing, you know, saying no to anybody about anything. And then not, no, but I could do this or, no, because of this. It's just a no, it. And nothing. And just let, letting them feel that discomfort, that uncomfortable feeling of, I've just said no and I've not justified it.

And the amount of people that do that nervous laugh afterwards, um, yeah. And we talk about how that felt but allowing them to feel that in a really safe space creates a really good discussion. About. Saying no.

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[00:15:43] Eima: I'd say when starting a PhD is the responsibility of both the supervisor and the PhD student to sit and have that open conversation, and it should be established then. Right at the beginning. So, the supervisor make the student aware that they are open to have these conversations, and for them to feel comfortable and open and honest about the way they're feeling about their work and these boundaries that they have, and for the PhD student to do the same and have that open and honest sort of relationship.

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Without equating its constant availability. The out of saying no isn't really about refusal. It's about respect. Ourselves for others, and for the work that we're all trying to do. Well,

before I close, I want to say a genuine thank you to everyone who contributed to this episode. You've heard reflections from Eima Karim, a postgraduate researcher, Keith Livingstone and James Poulter, sharing Perspectives from academic roles at different career stages. Kate Noll, a learning development advisor and Sarah Budello, a digital practice advisor. Each of these contributions brings a different lens and power and precarity to leadership, responsibility, learning, and development, and the role of professional services in shaping culture. I'm really grateful for the openness and generosity with which each of you shared your reflections.

You'll find the full contributor details in the show notes. That just leads me to say thank you for listening to research culture and uncovered. I'll see you next time.

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Thanks for listening, and here's to you and your research culture.